The Captain Eyes a Week Off

The first week of Season 3 commenced with a notable exception from the event's lineup (two exceptions if you count Russ and his weak softballs fetish; and I do not count him). JP, the former USJPL champion, missed the event due to an elective surgery. We do not know the exact details--however, we have never let the lack of facts and accurate information prevent us from reporting our fake brand of news.
During a poker break at the Flint school JP teaches at, a student began making intelligent bets, folding weak hands, and was soon chip leader. This angered the educator greatly. A fracas ensued between the former goaltender and the Kraft-like student. The teenager was able to reach down far enough to grab JP’s neck and began choking him. JP fought back with a truculence not seen since Adam visited Pizza Hut for the all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. This retaliation freed him long enough to signal the armed guards for backup. Moments later the youth was dragged down the hall, passed the metal detectors, out the front gate, and locked outside the razor-wired fence. He was given a six-pack of Busch beer and told he could use it as a voucher to attend Conner Creek Academy. Even though the young poker player was successfully removed from the facility, during the brief asphyxiation period a blood vessel in JP’s eye exploded, showering the innards of his eyeball with Captain Morgan, Diet Coke, and insulin.
Concerned with possibly losing his eyesight, JP visited his local voodoo practitioner. The “doctor” recommended doing nothing because the eye would heal on its own. JP felt this diagnosis was quackery and demanded he be cut open, since there is nothing risky about a simple eye surgery. In lieu of flipping a coin, the eye doctor and JP played heads-up Hold ‘Em to determine whether or not the surgery would be performed. Ten minutes later, patients in the waiting room could hear the doctor shouting from the exam room, “I GOT JP’D!!! I GOT JP’D!!!”
After surgery, his eye sight was not good enough and would possibly cause him to make poor decisions, so he elected not to make it to poker. As it turns he did not actually need to see to play cards that night, since the game was played in the dark. The good news is that JP has procured a parrot and an eye-patch to provide The Nemesis with plenty of great photographs for the season ahead. It should be a banner year. (Have I mentioned the banner available for purchase at out NemesisK2 giftshop?)